*For you new followers, this is part 2 of a journey to my first routine colonoscopy.

HERE is part 1.

My phone blinged me a reminder today of what’s ahead; “Clear Liquid Diet” this coming Wednesday ALL DAY LONG for my hosing at 730 Thursday morning.

Working up to that extraordinary life event for me, I’ve decided to  follow the advice of a GI lab nurse and ‘eat light’ for a day or two before.  At 6’4″ and a mesopmorphic frame, and working out a lot for that old frame, I eat.  I’m like an infant; I eat every 2 hours. So, this clear liquid for 24 hours for me is going to be a new challenge.  Coffee, with no cream.

Broth, broth more broth.

The instructions to the Jim Jones Kool Aid purging solution that I’m to drink instruct me that if you can’t see through it, then don’t drink it. I’m figuring I could see through the water in an infuser water bottle that has a hot dog infusing in it.   

Truly, I am one of those people that can get righteously hangry. Actually, I hail from a long line of righteously hangry peoples. It’s genetic.

When I worked in a procedural area, my friend used to keep Fig Newtons around. Those delectable flat chewy delights were just the right shape and had just the right amount of carbs. Because if my sugar dropped, and I became hangry, my friend Kim would slip that flat Fig Newton under the side of my surgical mask. I would pull that thing with just my lips like a starved horse. Thus, I was able to stay scrubbed in and complete the case without collapsing face first into a sterile field that was draped around someone’s groin.


Then there is the gory part about the prep itself. It seems that the goal of this purging is to get one’s innards so squeakily clean that when the doctor fishes the roto rooter northward, he wants to see his reflection in my now-shiney clean lower intestine walls.

People before me that have successfully traveled this perditious road to lower bowel cleaning  have imparted to me some handy tips; these  pearls of gastric cleansing knowledge are supposed to help me survive.

 *Warning, these are not pretty to read. They make me dread my prep more than the hosing itself.

  • Broth in bone flavor is apparantly a crowd favorite.
  • Be sure to get LOTS of flushable wipes.
  • Desitin….I swear to Bob, they said Desitin
  • No corn on the cob.
  • Sleep on a folded up beach towel.
  • Don’t sneeze or cough until this is all done. 
  • Never trust what you think might be an innocent gas pain.

Don’t say that you weren’t warned!

So, it looks like I may need Depends sooner than what I had expected in this life.

I will covet your prayers. But more importantly my wife will covet your prayers for my known hangriness. My coworkers have already made plans to send me home around lunch because they know the devastating effects of my not having food every two hours.

Coming soon: Part 3 of The Colon Tours

That’s the best that I can tell about it.